https://www.facebook.com/unclereezyart/
There is a disconnect between the idea of sexual liberation and its actualization through “sex positivity” and college hookup culture.
What does it mean to have liberating sex? I’ve been in feminist circles where we enthusiastically discuss the idea of sex positivity, which challenges the framing of sex as something negative and corrosive to the individual and to society. Traditionally, sex has been stigmatized through the assertion that the only morally acceptable sex happens between a monogamous heterosexual couple, preferably within the institution of marriage
What is hookup culture?
Currently, college students are amid a sexual culture change that drastically affects the way they form and maintain sexual and romantic relationships. Hookup culture refers to the growing normalization of casual sexual relationships in place of more traditional monogamous dating practices. In previous decade, dating was considered to be the norm among college students. Casual sex outside of committed relationships was stigmatized, especially for women. Although the double standard between men and women regarding sex is still alive and well, the decrease in such stigmatization allows for more sexual freedom in terms of casual sexual relationships.
Sex is positive
Sex positive feminism asserts that agency is an important aspect of sexuality, and that there is not a correct or more respectable way of having consensual sex. It encourages people (mainly women/queer folks who historically have suffered the most from standards of sexual behaviors) to embrace their sexuality as their own. I reflect on my own experiences and coming to understand my own sexual identity. I think about the ways in which sexual exploration allowed me to develop a sense of self, and a confidence that has carried over into other aspects of my life including school and work. Even in my social interactions I’ve developed a sense of power that comes with knowing myself and prioritizing my own sexuality enough to seek out pleasurable sexual experiences.
As I began to see the ways in which sex positivity has influenced my life, I wanted to share my experiences with others, encouraging people to explore their sexuality, convinced that these experiences were essential to a developing a healthy sexual identity. As I started talking to other people about their sexual experiences, I start to realize that my experience with sex is not all that common.
Is sex positivity positive?
As a queer, sex-positive feminist and a student, I’m especially critical of the ways in which sex is talked about on college campuses, as it is often talked about in terms of danger-in avoidance of disease and violence. People engage in conversations around topics of consent and sexual health which I believe are absolutely essential topics. However, some of us are much more hesitant to discuss pleasure, despite it being the assumed reason as to why my peers have sex to begin with. My concern is that without the inclusion of pleasure, we contribute to the stigmatization of sex as something negative that needs to be avoided, policed and controlled. This is what led me to explore hookup culture at my own university, through a series of interviews involving mainly people of color, many of whom identify as queer (LGBTQ+). I asked them about their ideas regarding sex on campus, and how race and sexuality played into their perceptions and experiences with hooking up.
What I found most shocking was the lack of agency described from the people that I was interviewing. Many of the students that I’ve interviewed had decidedly negative feelings toward hookup culture. People battled with feelings of guilt or emptiness, describing unfulfilling, meaningless sex. Both men and women describe feeling pressured into participating in casual sex by friends (this was especially true for men of color and those involved in Greek life). People mentioned not having access to others who share their identities, or not feeling comfortable enough in their own sexuality to ask for what they want (this was especially true for women/queer folks). The most common theme in people’s disapproval of hookup culture was the lack of respect, meaning, and responsiveness in casual sexual experiences. Surprisingly, most people continued to participate in hooking up despite their negative experiences with it.
But why must noncommittal sex be devoid of meaning? Why is it that people disrespect those they choose to share their bodies with simply because this sharing occurred under casual circumstances? We’ve been conditioned to believe that sex can only permissible in committed relationships, an outdated idea that permeates our understanding of sex even as culture is trending toward casual sexual encounters.
Sex positivity moving foreword
My biggest criticism of mainstream sex positivity is that it can create a toxic culture for people who feel pressured to engage in casual sex among liberal/feminist circles. It isn’t solving the issue of tackling shame in sex. Instead, it is being used as a justifiable pressure, encouraging people to have sex for the sake of feminism and equality. It’s important to take intersectionality into account as we talk about sex positivity and who as access to consensual and pleasurable sex.
The Sensual Scholar 